The 17 most honorable ways for an MIT student to die:

1. To die from complications of carpal tunnel syndrome.
2. To be poisoned by drinking from the Charles River.
3. To be run over by a 6.270 robot.
4. Breaking your neck on the tire swing while attempting to start off the wall.
5. Bursting a blood vessel in your brain while trying to do an E & M problem set while pondering the meaning of a Skinny Puppy song.
6. Losing yourself in a sign error while trying to think probabilistically.
7. To die from lack of sleep due to nocturnal housemates, early 6.013 lectures, and all-night eucher games.
8. To suffocate under piles of Interdepartmental Mail. (Remember kids: nothing important *ever* comes through Interdepartmental Mail!)
9. To die from caffeine overdose.
10. To succumb to the immense entropy found in any MIT student's dorm room, notably Dan Jablonski's (Random, R144).
11. To be asphyxiated while being squished in the corridors of the textbook section of the Tech Coop on Reg Day.
12. To be trampled to death by slam-dancers at a Senior House courtyard party.
13. To be strangled by large amounts of MIT administrative red tape.
14. To die from EMF radiation for spending 28 consecutive hours in front of a computer terminal.
15. To be electrocuted by your 6.004 lab project.
16. To be run down on Mass Ave by someone running a red light.
17. ARA!!