Origin of the Novel Species
Noodleous doubleous:
Evidence for Intelligent Design
Thomas D. Schneider, Ph.D.
Frederick, MD
Abstract
Penne Rigate
will spontaneously insert itself
into
Rigatoni
(order pasta)
under liquid to gas transition conditions of
H2O
to create the previously unobserved
species
Noodleous doubleous.
The estimated probability of this
spontaneous generation
event is
too low to be explained by thermodynamics
and therefore apparently represents intelligent
design.
Introduction
It has been claimed by Intelligent Design
advocates*
that patterns observed in nature
with a sufficiently low probability
provide direct evidence for intelligent design,
i.e., God.
Here I report evidence for the
spontaneous formation of a new life form
in a prebiotic pasta soup.
Materials and Methods
Figure 1:
dry
pasta.
Approximately 2.5 l of
pre-filtered, activated carbon filtered and reverse-osmosis purified
H2O
(BestWater, Shaklee Corporation
4747 Willow Road
Pleasanton, CA 94588,
www.shaklee.com)
was poured into a
24.0 cm (inner diameter)
4.7 l open metal nonstick-coated container
(Mirro Corporation, Manitowc, WI 54220, USA)
to a final depth of approximately 5 cm,
and brought to
100o C
(liquid to gas transition).
No NaCl was added.
Approximately 40 pieces each of
S. Penne Rigate
(San Giorgio, New World Pasta Co.
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17112-6457, USA,
www.sangiorgio.com, Figure 1, left)
and
B. Rigatoni
(Barilla America, Inc, Lincolnshire, IL 60069, USA,
www.barilla.com, Figure 1, right)
were dropped into the boiling
100o C
H2O.
At approximately 5 minute intervals the mixture was stirred
with a flat lignin paddle. At
~18 minutes the mixture was stirred a final time and then
poured through a rigid, hemispherical
plastic netting (square holes, sizes 3mm x 4mm and 4mm x 4mm;
22.5 cm inner diameter)
to capture the final products.
Results
Figure 2:
sample of
pasta freshly captured from
its native environment (background froth).
Figure 2 shows a randomly collected sample
from the native
100o C
H2O
environment
in which several
Penne Rigate
are inserted into
Rigatoni.
The sample pasta
are suspended on the flat lignin paddle.
No particular selection was made to obtain this sample
which contains
5 Rigatoni
and
6 Penne Rigate.
Three (60%) of the
Rigatoni
contain
Penne Rigate
inserts.
Note that a portion of the environment
can be observed on the right side of the image
as a white froth containing gas enclosed sphericals.
It is impossible to observe the pasta
through this froth without disturbing the environment.
There is some evidence for ordered patterning of the
environment in which the pasta are oriented vertically,
but this was destroyed by stirring.
Note that the
H2O
depth is substantially the same as the length of
the two kinds of pasta.
Figure 3:
captured population sample.
Figure 3
shows
the final captured population
in which
4
N. doubleous
are visible.
It is thought that conditions were no longer
authentic al dente
at the end of the experiment
and the violence of the trawling capture
probably disturbed the neophytes.
This could account for the reduced number of
observed
N. doubleous
compared to the rapid sampling shown in Figure 2.
Figure 4:
Components of
Noodleous doubleous.
From left to right:
dry
Penne Rigate;
dry
Rigatoni;
example
Penne Rigate
sampled at 18 minutes;
example
Rigatoni
sampled at 18 minutes;
example
Penne Rigate
inserted into
Rigatoni
to create
N. doubleous
sampled at 18 minutes.
As shown in Figure 4,
boiled
Penne Rigate
(length ~5.0 cm, outer diameter 1.0 cm)
can just barely fit inside
boiled
Rigatoni
(length ~5.3 cm, inner diameter 1.3 cm)
with a clearance of perhaps 0.15 cm.
Under the turbulent thermal conditions
sliding one
pasta
tube into the other
should be strongly disfavored.
No differences were observed between these
samples and any others taken from the environment.
Figure 5:
Dissection of
Noodleous doubleous.
To examine the internal organs,
an
N. doubleous
was dissected
(Figure 5).
We note that the two sub-species fit together closely.
The tissue
of
Penne Rigate
is notably lighter than that of
Rigatoni.
Also
evident was the smooth interior
wall of
Rigatoni.
Figure 6:
Bubble plumes observed in
environment detached from heat source.
Three bubble patches can be observed
emerging from the dorsal end of
Rigatoni
tubes.
To confirm the observation the experiment was
repeated at a later date.
In an attempt
to observe
internal conditions
the environment was gently
removed from the heat source without stirring or
sloshing.
Although this allows the environment to cool,
it is likely that the configuration of the
pasta is approximately that in the natural
environment.
Figure 6
documents two related phenomena.
First,
Rigatoni
are frequently oriented vertically
while
many
Penne Rigate
are oriented horizontally
or at 45o to the vertical.
Second, bubble plumes emerge from
the dorsal end of
Rigatoni
tubes.
Figure 7:
N. doubleous observed in heat-source
detached environment.
The environment was re-attached to the heat source
and allowed to normalize.
It was then removed again for inspection.
Numerous
N. doubleous
were
observed
(Figure 7).
A calculation was performed to determine the probability
of the observed insertion events (Table 1).
Based on the estimated clearance of insertion, 0.15 cm,
using the clearance as the radius of a circle
into which the insertion must be made,
the target for insertion from either end is
(2 * π * clearance2),
cm2:
0.035
Actually the target is much bigger because the tip
of the Penne Rigate
is pointy.
It is better to use the inner diameter less the
Penne Rigate
tip, which is roughly 0.3 cm (Figure 4).
So compute:
(2 * π * (inner diameter - tip)2),
cm2:
1.571
Probability of one insertion during a random encounter
is the target area divided by the Rigatoni total surface:
4.78x10-02
Fraction of observed insertions (Figure 2):
0.6
Number of available Rigatoni:
40
Estimated total number of insertions (40 * 0.6):
24
Probability of all these insertions by random encounter:
2.05x10-32
*This calculation was performed according to standard
Intelligent Design (IDiotic) methods.
It was performed using the
calc program with input
idiotic.calc.
Discussion
This paper reports an
observation of spontanoodlus generation
in which
Penne Rigate
inserts within
Rigatoni
to create a new species
dubbed
Noodleous doubleous.
The Vertical Flow Hypothesis
proposes that
Rigatoni become vertically oriented
in the convective flow of phase transitioning
liquid
H2O, thereby increasing the
heat dissipation rate.
This proposal is supported by the observation of
bubble plumes on the dorsal side of
Rigatoni
(Figure 6).
It is feasible that horizontally oriented
Penne Rigate
that are close to the bottom of the environment
are drawn upward into the
ventral side of
Rigatoni.
The
Penne Rigate
are not fully ejected
through the
Rigatoni
because the dorsal
end of the
Rigatoni
is close to the liquid surface
and the
process does not have enough
energy to lift the
Penne Rigate
into the environmental froth.
The
Penne Rigate
would therefore be caught inside the
Rigatoni.
However,
the probability of an insertion event
as proposed by the
Vertical Flow Hypothesis
is calculated
to be extremely low (Table 1),
so we are forced to conclude
that the process was guided by some form of external
intelligence.
The experimenter was not responsible for this
scalding task.
The high temperature liquid was undergoing a rapid phase transition
and liquid
Dihydrogen Monoxide
is
extremely dangerous.
Given these extreme
sterilizing conditions, no
known
life forms could have survived immersion.
We therefore conclude that this supernatural insertion
process was done by the Hand of God.
Conclusion
Although it is considered unethical to destroy
incipient life-forms,
thereby causing them to go extinct,
the experimenter was hungry,
so he ate them anyway.
Notes added in proof
H2O
is also known as
Dihydrogen Monoxide,
an extremely dangerous substance.
It was responsible for the destruction of the city of
New Orleans in 2005.
See careful research of
the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division,
www.dhmo.org,
for further information.
A viable hypothesis is that a
divine Noodly Appendage
of the
Flying Spaghetti Monster
was responsible for the effect.
These results are therefore strong empirical
in support of
Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.
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